In solidarity with those Second Amendment advocates who take an uncompromising stand on the individual right to bear arms, I have decided to become a First Amendment absolutist.
As an expression of my lawful, unrestrained freedom of speech, I reserve the right to scream the text of science journals and to hurl profanities at any and all NRA or Gun Owners of America events. Any attempt by police to stop me will confirm that they are simply jack-booted thugs working for a tyrannical government.
As an expression of my right to peaceably assemble, I reserve the right to bring a group of my friends and sit down with my Second Amendment fellows – in their living rooms and churches. Any attempt by the police to remove me will prove that the government is destroying individual freedom in our great country.
And, finally, given that the First Amendment bars laws “respecting an establishment of religion,” which I interpret to mean as respecting any religion whatsoever, I demand that we start taxing the property of churches just like we would the property of any organization.
So, my Second Amendment absolutist brethren, please join me in this fight to fulfill the true promise of the First Amendment. After all, the Founding Fathers did list it first, so it must have some role to play in defending freedom.
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